I called Tracie as soon as the buses pulled out for the next town, "Is he gone?"

"Yes, about an hour ago?"

"No way, you let him stay the night?" This was a first.

"Yep! We were pretty busy all night. And this morning."

"And his response to me?"

"Said you were a lucky guy, then fucked me." She was laughing evilly.

I was gonna test a theory, "Did he fuck you? I mean really fuck you. Not you let him fuck you."

"Youíve lost me, Kevlyn."

"Did he take control and FUCK you."

"Please, Iím as bad with control as you are. I let him fuck me."

"Thought so. Oh, just so you know, I am a faithful boyfriend." I was happy about this.

"Very good, congratulations!"

I told her the whole story. I went over to Jessicaís apartment. She opened the door wrapped in a robe, holding a Kleenex, crying. I took her inside and sat her down. I explained that I do take advantage of whatís offered when weíre on tour. Iím sorry if that hurt her, it wasnít meant to. If she wanted a different arrangement, didnít want me fucking around, she had to tell me. Then weíd talk about it. She wanted information about this whole sex thing. I told her that I do have one nighters and all the things you hear about, but I do not lie. Everyone involved knows what it is. I donít make promises to call. They get me for a few hours then Iím gone. She said she wouldnít sleep with me if I was fucking around. I wasnít rescuing her. If she wanted me to be monogamous she was gonna have to ask for it. Iíd do it, no problem. But she needs to learn to ask me for what she wants. Iím not playing that game shit where she says what she doesnít want and I make it all better. I simply said that I understood. She asked if I was going to stop. I said she needed to stop playing games and ask for what she wanted. Finally she did. I donít play games, I donít lie, and I donít cheat.

We talked for a little longer then did our normal "I love youís" and hung up. I sat there thinking. Damnit, now Iím jealous.


She called me and asked me out to lunch. I agreed. I want to keep an eye on her, what sheís up to. I asked her if she knew about the fight Kevin and I had. She said she did. I know I looked pissed. She explained that they donít have any secrets and talk about everything. Itís just a thing with them, had been for a long time. I said that was fine, I was glad that he had such a good friend, and put on my happy face. Complete bullshit. Sheís just waiting for her opportunity. Pretending to be just his friend. Iíve played that game before too. I would win this one. The prize was too good.

Kevin and I talked everyday. If he didnít call me, I called him. He didnít have time to fuck anyone. Weíd talk about his schedule and Iíd make notes and call during down time. Just to be sure. Sometimes heíd have to call me back because he was talking to her. Iím getting damn tired of being second.


Lee came over for dinner, "And how was lunch with Jessica?" I told her the conversation. She popped a cashew in her mouth, "You donít trust her."

I just got a funny vibe from her. Why canít we all just peacefully co-exist?

I went out with Scott a few times over the next weeks. He was fine on the week I was heading out to be with the guys. He wanted to meet them when they got back. I assured him he would. There would be many parties. I still liked him. It was relaxed and fun. I think I may have finally found someone I can tolerate and who can tolerate me.

Lee went with me. She had a slow week, so she would just make calls from where ever we were. The first night Jessica was still there. Everything looked fine. Both of them happy. Maybe I was just being paranoid, or god forbid jealous again. Everyone played nice and had a great time. Nick was a blast. He was wild. He hauled both of us out on the dance floor and got down right dirty. He was rivaling AJís moves. AJ of course wouldnít have that and came and took Lee away. We had a dirty dancing contest. AJ and Lee, Me and Nick, and Kevin and Jessica. I think they won because they were the only couple who actually went on to fuck. That gets you big points.

The next night was the first time Kevin and I really had anytime to talk. He filled me in on things with Jessica. He said things were going really well. He was spending a lot of money on PPV porn after shows, but was and would be the monogamous boyfriend. Scott had told me he wasnít seeing anyone but me. That was nice. Kevin and I had talked for hours on end about our sexual habits. Tonight it turned to both of us having done our share of whoring around and if anyone heard our conversations they would think we were horrible people. Kevin shook his head, "You know, if Iím a pig because I admit that Iím a guy and I physically want sex then Iím a pig. Iíve never told a girl I loved her to get laid. I have always been straight up about what I want no matter if itís a blow job, or anal sex. I may be a pig, but Iím an honest one. And you, oh best friend of the pig, are a bitch." Anyone besides him ever called me that I would rip them limb from limb. I knew how he meant it, and took it as just that, a compliment.

He got weird on me, "Uh oh, whatís wrong?"

"I have to admit something, and it pisses me the fuck off!" I sat and waited. "When you let Scott spend the night . . . I got jealous."

I started laughing, "Oh good, now I donít feel like such an ass for being jealous of Jessica."

He was laughing too, "Itís not funny. Youíre my best friend. I donít even think about fucking you. Oh great, now I just did. Wonderful."

"But was I good."

"I hate you!"

"No, you donít."

"Iíll kill him if he tries to come between us." He was serious again.

"I wouldnít let that happen. Like you told me. You come first and heíll have to deal with it. Itíll take you a little to get used to. Iím not jealous of Jess anymore. I like you with her."

"I really appreciate you going out to lunch with her and all."

"If youíre gonna go and fall in love with her, she and I will be seeing a lot of each other. Best to be friends."

He looked at me like Iíd grown another nose, "Iím not in love with her. I like her a lot. Sheís great. I care about her, but Iím not in love. Are you in love with Scott?"


I have no idea what time we fell asleep on the couch. I missed this. Missed having him right across town.

It was another week or so before I came back to the tour. For the last shows. This time our conversation was on how we were amazingly loyal to each other and our "family".

I had thought about this a lot, and Lee and I had been talking about it too, "There are people who matter and people who donít. I love you guys and I would do anything for you, no question. Fucking with you is fucking with me. Like Pam. I fight the urge to sit her down."

"Wouldnít do any good." He seemed resigned to that.

"Thatís what I figured. It would be like talking to a damn brick wall."

The tour ended and everyone went their separate ways for a few weeks.


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