Jessica wouldnít talk to me. Not at all surprised. Why not fight before I leave? I need that too. I asked her again to come to the first shows like we had planned. She said she would think about it.
She did end up coming. Things were better. She wasnít as cold, and I wasnít so on guard. By the end of the weekend I felt like things were back to normal. I still felt guilty. It was very hard being with someone, physically, when you knew it meant much more to them. I tried and think I succeeded in being sensitive to this.
The next week Tracie came up and brought Lee. That was a blast. We were in some good cities and we would hang out all night. Dancing and talking. Having an excellent time.
I didnít talk too much about Scott. I wanted to get away. He and I had been fighting the last week. Nothing ugly. Just snapping at each other. I was tired of nice. I was bored. Even the sex which had been good had deteriorated to nice. Nothing adventurous. Boring. Nice.
The night before we were set to leave we partied in the rooms. We wanted just us. It was the guys, Lee, Michelle, and me. The other girlfriends had left after the first batch of shows and would be back later. Late late that night we all sat around talking. Starting in with questions. Eventually it turned into everyone deciding who the perfect partner for each other was.
I was enjoying this. I love crazy ass conversations late at night. We had already covered bizarre sexual behaviors and settings. This one could be fun. It got to Kevin and we all had our own say. Please, be aware that the person we described was not Jessica. We used words like "strong willed", "tough", "open", and "loud". None of these were her. Tracieís turn came, "Iíll tell you what you need. You need someone who wonít put up with your shit. Who will cut you off at the knees and back you down. With a look. Strong enough to do that and let you be a man."
I think my mouth dropped open. I was searching the room.
On to Tracie. We all said "stronger than you", "exciting", and "brave". Kevin took his turn, "You need a man whoís not afraid of you. A man who can fuck you. Not some man you let fuck you, but oneís who is strong enough, you trust enough, and is confident enough to fuck you."
Iím still searching the room for someone to see. Everyone is watching them to see what is coming next. I lost it. "Let me tell you what you both need. You both need someone to knock you off your self aware, selfish, superior pedestal. You need someone that you care about more than you care about anyone else, even yourself. Someone who can get through your defenses and make you turn to mush. Youíre both too damn scared to feel, really feel. Until you find that youíll keep someone around, but theyíll be flawed and inferior. You both are fucking amazing!" I doubt they knew what I was talking about.
They looked at each other. Kevin grabbed her hand and tucked it under his arm, "Shall we, oh superior one?"
She did that fake southern accent, "I do believe so. I need to polish my pedestal."
Kevin smiled back at us, "We are taking our toys and going home."
Iím not quite sure if they stayed on the couch or just fucked each other silly that night.
The party broke up after that. I think everyone was in shock. I know I was. I paced around my room. I had to talk to someone. AJ. AJ would be good.
I walked down the hall and knocked on his door, "You would think that as self aware as they are they would see they just described each other as the perfect mate."
"Oh thank God!!" He pulled me into the room and kissed the living hell out of me. "I thought I was the only one who caught that. I wanted to scream at them. Shit!"
"Theyíre both dating these people who obviously donít do it for them." I had thought this for awhile.
AJ looked around his room, "I didnít say this. They have the perfect relationship, except no sex part."
I screamed, "Yes!" This time I kissed him, tongue and all. We both jumped back, "Ok that was freaky."
"Na, just celebrating." We both laughed and hugged. "So you work on her. Iíll work on him."
Let me know what you think!! Lisa