I carried Tracie to the guest room. I tucked her into the bed and sat beside her on the bed for a little while. I guess I wanted to make sure she was asleep. I couldnít help but wonder if I shouldnít have done more to bring them together. Then I wondered if they really werenít meant to be together. Maybe they were just meant to be friends. Sitting here watching her breathe and pushing her hair away from her face I hoped not.
Back downstairs everything was quiet. I think everyone was thinking. I fixed myself a drink and joined them. Eventually we started talking again. It was very easy for us to agree to support him no matter what. The rest was up for grabs. It ranged from Brian believing he did the right thing and should make it work for the child to Howie thinking he was completely wrong and the whole thing was shit. The others of use fell somewhere in the middle. As always I found myself looking up to him. This had to be a hard decision for him, and I, yet again, respected his maturity and the way he did what he thought was right even if it was hard. I never really chose the hard road. In his shoes I donít think I would have made the same decision. I canít say I would agree that this would be a good choice for the kid, but I donít think I could have put all that above my happiness.
I couldnít help but think about what would be different. He would have a wife and kid now. That had to change things.
The next week with Kevin on his honeymoon went on as normal. The rest of us had an unspoken agreement to keep an eye on Tracie. One of us would go by the club everyday and hang out. That wasnít anything new. All of us had heard what she said, but she never mentioned it. Lee and I hoped she didnít remember it. I didnít doubt for a second that she did love him. Definitely in the sense of a friend, but I think she would fall in love with him quickly if she let herself. He would return that. The theory I was working under was that both of them were so untrusting and scared that they couldnít see each other. And each other was the one person they could trust and be scared with, and it would be alright.
I found a place for the party. A place Iíd used before and would let us in the day before to start setting up. We had decided to do all the decorating ourselves. Money wasnít the issue. We felt that if we all worked together on this it would mean more to Kevin and he would know that we would support him. Tracie thought that was what he needed to be able to make this marriage work. That didnít mean that we didnít question him, but just that show of support. Weíd do what he asked.
Tracie was fine. I understood her feeling a little guilty. I let her talk about that, and reminded her of her place. She was worried about him. Thatís wonderful. Sheís that kind of friend you love and hate. Wonít lie to you even when you want, but will be there to handle to truth with you. I figured that there would be many conversations between her and Kevin about this over the years. I didnít have a lot of faith that this marriage would last. I know that there are couples who marry out of friendship, and never have that passion. They can last forever, and I think that kind of love has to be there or the marriage wonít last. It wonít be wine and roses forever, but there should be times when the passion comes back. I hope that Kevin finds that passion with her, but Iím afraid that the way this marriage has started it wonít happen. Heíll continue to party and have fun at home and on tour. Heíll be around everyone and see his friends fall in love, and know that passion. Heíll have to give up a degree of freedom because of his responsibilities. I know that everyone does that with relationships, and that relationship makes it worth it. But Kevin will be giving things up for a relationship he doesnít really want to be in. It wonít take long for the resentment to build. Heíll never take it out on the child, but Jessica will know it. I hope Iím wrong.
I picked Kevin and Jessica up at the airport. They looked very tanned, relaxed, and happy. I breathed a sigh of relief. I took them home to freshen up then off to the party. As we had all hoped Kevin was touched by the effort we had put in to make this good. He couldnít help but laugh at our decorations though. Talk about cheesey. We did that on purpose.
This was the best party Iíd ever been thrown. The love and support of my little brothers and Tracie was written all over everything. They had done everything by hand, and it looked it. Iíd keep the big white sheet that they spray painted "Congrats Kevin and Jessica" on. It looked like a sign from a concert, except I recognized the handwriting as Nickís. He even had to squish up the letters at the end because he was running out of room.
Jessica and I had a good time on our honeymoon. We laid on the beach, shopped at the local stores, and relaxed. I went out on a jet ski for a few hours. I wouldnít let her go, gotta protect the baby. I watched her and thought about our child growing inside her. That was a pretty damned amazing thing. One night as we laid in bed I put my hand on her stomach and watched her reading. Just watched. I felt things for her I hadnít felt before. I canít say that I felt "in love" with her, but I felt different. A respect and love for her giving me this gift. It was kind of overwhelming. I liked it. I found myself slipping into that feeling as Iíd watch her. Iíd imagine her big with our child, and when Iíd get to hear the heartbeat, and eventually feel movement.
I grabbed Tracie and pulled her to the side and told her all that. I saw the relief wash over her, "You can stop worrying about me."
"Maybe a little."
"I think itíll be ok. Sheís a friend, and I do love her. I love her for having our child. Weíll be ok." I didnít feel like I was trying to convince myself anymore. I did think I would be happy. That my marriage and family would be a source of joy for me. I felt good about my, about our, future.
Jessica had a good time at the party too. She hung in there for me. I knew she was tired, but everytime I asked her if she wanted to go she said no. She said that it was our party and we should stay and have fun. It was after midnight when I saw her sitting at a table close to nodding off. I walked over and knelt down beside her, "Time for us to go, little momma."
"Iím fine, you keep partying. Iíll just sit here."
That was cool, "Itís ok. It was a long trip. Have to take care of the baby."
We said our goodbyes and heading home. First night as a married couple in our house.
That went very well. It was fun and the newlyweds looked happy. The rest of us stayed and partied until down.
Let me know what you think!! Lisa