Kevin is late. Really really late. No one answered at his house or either of their cell phones. He bounded through the door two hours late and dropped his stuff on the floor, "My girlfriend is a freak. Sorry, Iím late. Frankly, your damned lucky I am here at all."
"Good night I take it." I glanced over. I wasnít sure if we were pissed or not.
"Oh holy fucking hell. She did things to me last night that I never even imagined that I wanted done. Then wouldnít let me touch her, but let me watch."
Nick laughed, "You realize you are a freak as well and I fucking hate you. You got the great best friend, who ends up being a great lover. I want fucking details!"
Kevin was laughing as he walked over and kissed the top of Nickís head, "Youíll find yours. Weíll talk later."
Nick pumped the air and we went back to work.
I canít say that anything at home was really different. Pam continued to pout and bitch and not trust me. I had this bizarre hope that with Kevin and Tracie getting together she would see how happy and fun they were and it might help us. I donít know where that idea came from. Like I said, maybe just hope. Instead she went the other way.
"You want that donít you? You want what Kevinís doing."
I just looked at her, "Of course I want that. Donít you? Jesus, Pam. They are friends and lovers. Theyíve always had fun together, now itís got sex too. They are happy and enjoying each other. Who the hell wouldnít want that? We used to have that."
"You know itís just the beginning for them. Reality will hit and it wonít be all fun."
My mouth dropped open, "Pam, you have no fucking clue."
"What do you mean?"
"This isnít easy for them all the time. Shit, Kevin makes everything difficult because heís Kevin. But they still have fun. Make it fun. Where is our fun?"
"You donít love me anymore do you?"
"That is not what I asked. I ask why we donít have fun anymore. We fight, we never get anywhere, and we never make up. Like this. I ask about fun and you immediately make it about you. I donít love you? Have you once heard me ask if you love me?"
"Do you love me?"
That was it. I snapped. Calmly. She couldnít pull the focus off her for 2 seconds. "Pam, I donít know anymore. I donít know. It doesnít matter either."
She looked shocked. Itís like she had no idea that she would eventually drive me away with all that. "What do you mean?"
"Thereís too much shit anymore that I donít know if I love you. I probably donít. Itís died. Either way I canít do this anymore. I canít always be questioned and be on guard. I canít make you feel good about yourself about us. I canít make you feel my love, when all you do is think how you donít deserve it. Itís not worth it anymore. I took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes, "Itís over, Pam. Iím done."
She was crying. I expected that. "What am I supposed to do? Are you going to give me five hours like Kevin did Jessica?"
"Iím not kicking you out on the street. I thought for a second about what would be fair. "Iíll help you move, money or what ever. If you want to go back home. End of the month. Iíll stay with one of the guys. I canít do this anymore. Iím sorry."
I walked out the door. I took another deep breath and noticed that I felt better. I got in my car and thought, "whew, glad thatís over." I felt this huge surge of relief. I wanted to celebrate. That bothered me. Not that I wanted to celebrate, but that I had stayed so long that it had got to the point that getting out made me instantly happy. Thatís wrong.
I drove around for maybe an hour. Thinking. I started feeling more guilt about feeling good. I figured that Kevin would understand and drove there. He answered the door, "Hey, man, whatís up?"
"I did it. Told Pam it was over."
"You ok?" He waved me in.
"Yeah." I sat down and kicked back, "I
feel really good. I feel guilty for feeling so good. I figured you might get
"But you didnít feel bad about ending it."
"Not at all. I felt stupid for not knowing better. Angry as hell. Sad that it was a relationship over, and ecstatic that it was over. Well, almost over." He stopped and looked sad, "Nick, donít beat yourself up for taking care of yourself. You worked your ass off and hung in there longer than I think you should have."
Thanks." It was good to hear this, but not exactly what I needed. Tracie came down the stairs. "Hello, Tracie."
She had on one of Kevinís UK shits, "I wondered who had distracted him." She messed up my hair and kissed my head, "Iíll let you boys talk."
"Sorry to interrupt." I smiled remembering todayís announcement.
"Youíre not interrupting. Even if you were itís fine. I love you."
"Thanks, Trace. I love you too. Pam and I broke up. Well, I broke up."
I got a hug, "Aw, sweetie, are you ok?"
"Iím fine. Better actually."
"Good. Iím glad and sad for you. Let me know if you need anything, and you know youíre welcome here anytime."
I hugged her and held on, I guess that was something I needed, "Thank you."
She headed upstairs until Kevin yelled, "Um, excuse me. Can I get a goodnight hug and kiss?" He stood as she came back. I didnít get THAT type of hug and kiss. His hands were on her ass, again.
Kevin watched her head upstairs with the worldís biggest smile. "Dude, once you two got started." I shook my head and laughed, "You canít keep your hands off her ass!"
He smirked, "I know! I canít believe I missed that."
"You didnít. Youíve been watching her ass for over a year. Weíve all seen you do it. You always watch her ass. For some stupid reason you ignored it. Itís a great ass."
"Oh yeah, itís a great ass."
We talked for a while longer. I could always count on Kevin even though he gave me shit a lot. "Iím gonna go take a drive. Think. Let you get back to doing what ever you were doing. To that ass."
We both laughed, "Nick, sheís right. Youíre welcome here anytime. Stay if you want."
I hugged him, "Thanks bro, I may take you up on that. Iíll call you later."
I drove some then found myself at Leeís house.
Let me know what you think!! Lisa