My mind exploded.  I tried to speak and it came out in this really quiet voice that I barely recognized, “You’re pregnant?”

            Lee held up a white plastic stick, “So EPT says.”

            I dropped my bag, walked the two steps it took me to get to her and dropped to my knees.  I lifted up her shirt and put my hand on her stomach, “My baby?  Our baby?  In here?”

            She ran her fingers through my hair, “Yes, baby, you’re gonna be a daddy.”

            I laid my head against her and hugged the lower half of her, “Oh wow, this is fucking amazing.  I’m gonna be a daddy.”  I rocked back and forth as I thought about holding this little kid, and playing with it when it got bigger.  I smiled and jumped up in front of her.  “Lee, we’re gonna have a baby.”  I was looking right in her eyes and screamed, “Aaaagggghhh!!  A baby!”  I kissed her hard, “Damn, I love you.  Are you feeling ok?  Can I get you anything?  Should you sit down?”

            “I’m fine.  I love you too, glad you’re home.”

            I tood her hand and led her to the couch, “How long have you know this?  Jeez, you can’t be more than five weeks pregnant.”

            “I found out yesterday.  I was sick the last couple of days.  Throwing up and Tracie came over and brought food and a pregnancy test.  She knew we’d been a little less than careful that first night.  Sorry.”  She kissed my hand.

            Aww, she’s so cute.  “What else do you and Tracie talk about?  Nevermind, I don’t wanna know.  I can’t sit.” 



            I’m assumming he’s happy.  Pretty obvious.  He got up and started dancing around the room, kinda wiggling his ass and singing, “I’m a daddy.  I got a baby.  I am the man.”  After a couple of rounds of this he really got his ass shaking and then it turned into this violent thrusting complete with arm movements and screaming, “I AM THE MAN!!  I AM THE MAN!!”

            I don’t think I’ve ever laughed to hard in my life. “That is how this baby got here, all that thrusting.”

            He stopped dead and jumped off the chair he’d been “dancing” on.  He landed right in front of me, “Are you happy about this?”

            I wasn’t as obvious, I guess, “I’m very happy.  I’ve wanted a baby.  I was a little shocked and first, and it’s so early in our relationship.  But I’m trying to be like you, not think, just feel.”

            He took me in his arms, “I THINK this is wonderful.  Screw time.  I can’t believe this, this is the best thing in the world.  Come on, let’s go.”

            “Where are we going?  You just got home.”

            “I know, but I gotta kiss Tracie!” 

            Off we went.  I never doubted that he would excited and pleased.  In some quieter moments I did think about the group.  Nick Carter get’s girl pregnant their first night in bed.  Maybe he is “the man”.  That’s funny.



            Where is he?  It was fine these two weeks, but these last few hours are killing me.  He needs to be here now.  I’m gonna do some laundry.  I brought the basket of clean clothes through the living room.  I dropped it on the floor and jumped a good two feet when I heard that deep sexy voice, “I’m home, kitten.”

            Kevin was sitting on the couch with his arms on the back, reclining with his legs spread.  He looked gorgeous.  Tired too.  I walked, calmly, over and straddled his lap and ran myfingers into his hair, “I am so glad.  These last 2 hours have been absolute hell.”

            He ran his hands up my back and squeezed my shoulders, “I think I broke a record for drive time from the airport to my house.  I hoped you be here.”

            “I couldn’t be anywhere else.”  Deciding to kiss now was a mutual thing.  Both of us seemed to want to savor it.  Little dry kisses, moved to nibbles and licks, then full open mouthed exploring.  I wrapped my arms and legs around him and held on. 

            He pulled away from me and kissed along my shoulder then nuzzled into my neck and growled before speaking, “I missed you, Tracie.  I love you.  You make me feel so good.”

            I smiled as I hugged his head, ‘I love you too, Kevin.”  We stayed like that for a little while.  Feeling the other.



            I didn’t want to let go.  Ever.  I have decided that I like the mushy gotta-have-my-girlfriend moments.  I also like the she’s-my-best-friend moments, the just-wanna-hold-her moments, and can’t forget the if-I’m-not-inside-her-soon-I’m-gonna-die moments.  Best friend time, “I told the guys about Jessica.  All of it.”

            She sat back, “When?”

            “On the plane.  Kept putting it off.”  I shrugged my shoulders.

            “I know that was hard, baby.” 

            “Yeah,”  but her fingers in my hair were doing a good job making it alright, “They were great.  I should’ve had more faith in them.  Nick shocked the hell out of us.  He said “the road was rocky, but you made it home.”

            Her head cocked to the side, “What doesn’t that mean?”

            “If I wouldn’t have gone through all that I might not have found you.  Like this anyway.”  I kissed her gently, “I thought about it and I wouldn’t give you up even if it meant erasing all that.  I’m dealing with it fine.  Just a dull ache every now and then.”  Tracie licked her lips and I could tell she was thinking, “Go ahead, say it.”

            She took a breath, “Kevin, baby, you have to let go of feeling guilty.  You didn’t let the baby down, you couldn’t have saved it even if you stopped her from taking the second batch of pills.” 

            My eyes filled with tears, again, “What?”

            “It wouldn’t have mattered.  I did some research.  It was already too late, even if you would have insisted on going into the doctors office and found out then it would have been to late.”

            “You sure?” 

            “Positive.  If by some chance the baby did live it wouldn’t have been ok.”

            I buried my head in her shoulder again, “Thank you.”

            “I knew what you were doing to yourself, baby.”  She kissed my head and held me tight. 

            Somehow she knows.  She knew I was feeling that, knew how to fix it, and knows that when I’m hurting I need to be held tight.  “Now more than ever I am sure I would go through it all again to be here.  Talking is over.  I need to be with you.”

            She knew what I meant.


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